Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
