You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I would ride that face into the sunset
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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