Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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