'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
