Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
