After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
