He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
