Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize