Already got asked if we're dating
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
