That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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