she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't deserve a penis
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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