Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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