Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
