in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
