I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
