She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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