Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
