Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
