Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You ruined the universe
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
