you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
