I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
