He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
