i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
