I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
and you fell through a lawn chair
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
