someone owes me an orgasm
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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