I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
