dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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