I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
a search helicopter?!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
