So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
