they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The beer is more important than you right now.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
