and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
