you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
