just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
