I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
