You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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