Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
