The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
