My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
