I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
