Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
