how can u be prego again
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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