Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
