I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
