Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
