winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
