oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
