can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
organizing the empties. That sober.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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