If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
