oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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