So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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