This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
