I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
