Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
